Tag Archives: wife

And I (not so humbly) blame the Lowe’s lady trying to help us!

I know the Lowe’s lady was doing her job. But she wasn’t helping ME out! My wife and I have been talking for a while about Thanksgiving and what to cook. Well, I don’t really have a great track record of consistency. You see, I started out learning how to Deep Fry a turkey. I’d like to say I got pretty good at it. In a very small group of people I was slightly worshipped for my famous but not so famous Deep Fried Curry Turkey. Yes, you read that right, Curry.

Each year I’d tweak the recipe because I like to push the limits on things and I want to see how far I can go and where the boundaries are. That is just my nature. I like to tinker and experiment.

So one year the turkey would be THE BOMB!. The next year it might be, “eh, ok…but not as good as that ONE turkey,” type of responses.

Where I really messed up is I bought an electric deep fryer. The darn thing didn’t get hot enough. There is a certain level of heat you must get your oil and It wouldn’t get there once you put the turkey in. (Gosh darn it!) So my wife and my oldest, 13 year old daughter, like to remind me that sometimes I don’t have the best ideas. I guess it didn’t help that the electric deep fryer stayed behind our front door for almost a year….gathering dust.

With all of that information you can see I started the battle of buying an “ELECTRIC SMOKER” by going up hill, while it was snowing and without shoes. I was not in a good place to negotiate with The Queen and her Advisor. (My 13 year old daughter.)

But, to my happy surprise, I got a text from my wife who was at Sam’s Club and said, “Hey, you want this brisket? It’s 16.5 lbs and is around $60.” I was like, “Sure, you betcha and I’m so glad I married you.”

We buy the brisket. We are committed to buy a Smoker, right? WRONG, you are so wrong. I…no, I was so, so wrong. My wife and I made a time to go to Lowe’s (because I get my military discount there) and buy a smoker. And when we arrived we met…..HER. The lady from Lowe’s. Let’s call her name “Lucy” which in my mind is short for “LUCIFER!”

Ok, back to Lucy. We meet Lucy in the smoker and accessories section of Lowe’s. She can see we were looking at smokers and to be honest I wasn’t really impressed with their options. I’m looking at these smokers and thinking to myself, “Self, would you feel comfortable talking to a bunch of middle aged men, with tattoos, big arms and beards about this smoker?” I had to be honest with myself, I don’t think I could look them in the eye. And if you can’t look up a bearded BBQ’er in the eye then what are you even doing with your life?

Lucy could see I wasn’t feeling right about the selection and she said, to my joy and surprise, “Hey, you know, when the big burly guys come in looking for a smoker they are mostly looking for our smokers in the lawn and garden section, c’mon.” At the time I was thinking, “Lucy, I’d follow you to the ends of the earth. Thank you for showing me what big bbq bearded men buy. I want to be one, one day.”

I hasten my step to follow Lucy outside to see The Pit Boss Pro Series 4 Electric Vertical Wood Pellet Smoker. My eyes and mouth begin to water. This, now THIS is a smoker.

Lucy tried to show me charcoal smokers and baby smokers out there but I had my eye on The Pit Boss.

That’s when things started to go south. Lucy decided she wanted to lose the sale. She decided to try to be HELPFUL in her evil heart. She asked such ridiculous questions like:

“Have you ever smoked anything before?”
“Do you know if you’ll like it?”
“My husband smokes meat but the smoker stays outside gathering dust mostly all year. Are you sure you don’t want to try a smaller one?”

No Lucy I don’t, thank you very much. Then she asked the question that got my wife off track, “Do you have a grill?”

“Yes we do,” says my wife Jo.

“Well,” Lucy grinned as she responded with a heart made of coal, (that you probably couldn’t even smoke on if you tried. Just sayin’) “there is an alternative you can try and you can try it on your grill.”

My wife looks at me like I’ve kept the fountain of youth from her. Like why didn’t I tell her? That is not how they cook on YouTube Madam!

So I saunter back over to the insignificant smoker section. Lucy begins to tell us that I could just buy this little metal box, put wood chips in it and use my freakin’ grill to smoke the 16.5 lbs brisket.

The look of horror that I gave could have scared a small puppy. Why? Why even make a smoker if you could just do that?

To spare you the details, I listened to my wife, after I threw a tantrum of course, and bought the stupid metal box, wood chips, the stupid propane measurer thingy and a weber bluetooth thermometer.

I went home angry.

I started the brisket at 10pm that night. It was a Friday. We had friends coming over the next day at around 4 and we were planning on eating at 6pm. 18 hours I had to smoke that thing.

I get the meat prepped and ready to rock and roll. I put the meat on the stupid grill, after I heated it all up and put the “alleged” smoker box (THAT DIDN’T PRODUCE ANY SMOKE!) on the grill too.

The next thing that happened? I’m up like an idiot until 12pm freaking out about the $60 piece of meat outside. I check that thing probably every 10 minutes until midnight. I finally am able to adjust the inside temperature of the grill to around 225 degrees. (for you non smokers that is the temperature where you cook meat “low and slow”) I decide I should go to sleep.

To my dismay, my bluetooth reaches to the right side of my bed to connect to my phone but doesn’t reach to the left, WHERE I SLEEP. So I guess I “kind of sleep” because I’m still wondering:

“Is there enough propane?”
“Will a bear eat my brisket?”
“Will the raccoon I saw that scared the crap out of me at midnight come back and mess with my brisket?”
“Are all animals out to get me?”
“What’s that noise? Is there a fire?”

All of these questions go in my mind….as I try to sleep. So I did sleep. For like 4 hours mind you. Of totally interrupted sleep. I’m up at 4 am checking the stupid meat.

My wife Jo is up early anyways and I’m like, “Babe, there is no smoke. I could just throw the darn thing in the oven. Lucy lied to us! She’s a betrayer! She’s trying to ruin my life!” Jo looked at me like I sometimes look at my kids when they throw a fit.

We had an adult conversation where I over promised and will probably under deliver when it’s time to pay up and we agreed I should buy the SMOKER! Booyah!

I get dressed lickity-split and race down stairs as I yell, “Who wants to go to Lowe’s with me?” Out of 4 kids only my youngest daughter decides to go.

I walk into Lowe’s proud and confident. I meet a Lowe’s employee, one that looked like he knew how to smoke things. I relay the story to him. He’s like, “Oh yeah man. I could never get those metal boxes to smoke either. The Pit Boss is the way to go for sure.”

I buy it. And I buy my daughter and me donuts.

I get home and put the thing together and transfer the brisket over right when the propane ran out of gas. Only 8 more hours to go to finish off the meat.

How’d my first brisket turn out? On a scale of 1 to 10 I’d give it a 7.5 maybe an 8. Everyone liked it. Flavor was good. My seasoning was only salt and pepper. I could have trimmed the fat a little more and there really wasn’t a good smoke ring. Due to the dumb metal box that doesn’t work.

It fed like 35ish people. (counting kids)

I’m excited to try something different than Turkey this year. Maybe even a curry brisket? Dunno, but I can’t wait to test it out.

Here you go. Insert segue here. As you can tell from this story, I have to test. But because I test so much, I feel very confident in my decision once I make it because I usually explore all or most options. I’ve done that professionally. I do offer a lot of cleaning services but they have all been received through formal training. (In other words, I wasn’t trained by my brother-in-law.)

If you need a cleaning, give me a shout out. I’m doing a lot of the office work and cleaning myself lately. I just feel more comfortable that way. My OCD kicks in and I can control things better. With that being said, feel free to reach out and keep on me. I am usually pretty good about getting back to folks but if not reach out again. I’m here, just busy busy.

I hope you have a wonderful Thanksgiving and hope to see you soon.

Sincerely,

Deland Moghimi
Perfect Pear Home Pros
Office – 407-688-2121
Text – 407-437-0850
office@orlandosperfectpear.com
www.perfectpearhomepros.com

“Your Nerds In The Cleaning Business”

I’m kind of having a tough time…

You might know Angela that usually answers our phone during the week. Well she has the NERVE to go on a vacation. And not a one week vacation but three flippin’ week vacation.

I’m kind of dying over here…all by myself answering the phones. It’s hard to do both, clean and answer phones and schedule. I know, I’m a big cry baby. Get out your violins….shed a tear.

If you need to get a hold of me please have patience until I can get her back. Text me, call or email and I will get back to you.

Aaand, Angela isn’t my wife. She is my work wife. My real wife, her name is JoAnn, was normally staying at home with the kiddos. But since we are empty nesters we are enjoying seeing each other more often during the day. She will be helping more in the business and I hope you get to know her.

This month, until September 15th, is our “Back to school, please use our services because I’m broke” discount.

Any of our services get $50 off during August and up to September 15th.

Thanks for all you do.

Sincerely,

Deland Moghimi
Perfect Pear Home Pros
Office – 407-688-2121
Text – 407-437-0850
office@orlandosperfectpear.com
www.perfectpearhomepros.com

“Your Nerds In The Cleaning Business”

P.S. Keep a look out for an updated photo of my four kiddos. They are growing like weeds.

My wife is an empty nester…

For the first time in 12 years we won’t have any kids at home during school. With a tear of joy and sadness our last little one is going into vpk for a few hours each day.

Friday is a big day for the wife and me, the first day of school. I remember other big days: like when all of our kids could hold a bottle by themselves, when we got a mini van with electric doors we didn’t have to get out and shut each and every single time, when the kids could buckle themselves, when they slept through the night and when they learned how to go and get me a drink of water. Oh, the good old days. 🙂

My little “Kaboosie” (her nickname because she’s at the end of the family train) is so stinkin’ excited about school she is just beaming. She learned her teachers name and she can’t stop talking about her.

Thank you for supporting my little family and my employees family. We really couldn’t do anything without you. I know there are a ton of options out there and I’m glad you felt and hopefully feel we are a good fit for you and your life right now.

So now that the kids are in school it might be a good time to spruce the old place up, eh? My wife is going to start paying MORE attention to what’s going on in the business so you’ve got to make me look good.

This month we are running the: “I’m broke, please use my services” deal this month! $50 off any of our wonderful services and ends September 15th.

If you have any questions or would like a ballpark price over phone or email please give us a shout and we can help you plan and answer any questions you might have.

Thank you again for your trust and business.

Sincerely,

Deland Moghimi
Perfect Pear Home Pros
Office – 407-688-2121
Text – 407-437-0850
office@orlandosperfectpear.com
www.perfectpearhomepros.com

“Your Nerds In The Cleaning Business”

P.S. What were we thinking having 3 out of our 4 kids in August? If we do our math….November must be a good month for business. 🙂

P.P.S. Below are a list of services we offer that you can apply the $50 off to: ($250 minimum must be met first)

1. Carpet Cleaning & Protection
Comes with our famous one year spot and spill warranty with free bottle of spotter.

2. Oriental Rug Cleaning & Fiber Protection
100% guaranteed Odor Removal. Plus, we offer rug pad and repair services.

3. Upholstery Cleaning & Protection
Linen, Cotton, Microfiber, Leather, synthetic fabrics or Natural. We know how to clean ’em!

4. Wood Floor Deep Cleaning
We also can get rid of the annoying “haze” buildup that occurs when the wrong cleaner is used.

5. Stone and Grout Repair
Got a hole or crack and you want it filled and smooth? We can do that for ya.

6. Tile & Grout Cleaning and Sealing
We offer a clear sealer or a Color Seal option that permanently seals your grout.

7. Stone Cleaning & Polishing
All types of stones, either on countertops or floors. We can restore your floors back to the good old days!

8. Fabric Protection
Bought a new piece of furniture? Or drapes? Want them protected? We utilize some of the best water and Solvent based protectors on the market.

9. Drapery Cleaning
How long has it been since your drapes have been cleaned? We can do this safely for you.

10. Shower Caulk Replaced with Epoxy Grout (no more mold)
Epoxy grout is 99% water proof. Easy to clean and difficult for mold to grow on. We replace all the grout or caulking along the perimeter floor and up the corners of your walls with Epoxy Grout.

11. Granite Countertop Polishing and Sealing
We have a six step process to restore Granite countertops to their original shine and luster.This needs done about every 4 to 6 years depending on the environment.

12. Mexican Tile or Saltillo Cleaning and Sealing
There’s an easy way and a hard way to stripping and cleaning Mexican Tile. We offer both.

13. Travertine Polishing, cleaning & Sealing
Travertine, one of the softer stones, has pits and cracks. We can fill them and blend the stone.

14. Marble Polishing, cleaning & Sealing
Marble, a calcium based stone, found on countertops and floors. We can remove etch marks and polish or hone your stone to your desired look.